I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
