I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
