Jerry, you need to find god
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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