All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
