You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
