just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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