Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
