Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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