so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize