Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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