Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
