I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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