i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what day is it and did you see me today?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
