Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
