Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
