3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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