Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
