I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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