Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
its liver damage thursday
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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