Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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