i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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