cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
