I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
