It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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