im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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