Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I need to stop coming to work sober
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
