I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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