i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
