if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
