how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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