I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
