So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
