I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
