Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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