now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
