sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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