You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
