Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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