O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
