You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
