You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Found your dick twin last night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
