he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
