I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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