Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
