Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Already got asked if we're dating
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
