4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
