my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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