So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
