Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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