So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
