i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
