Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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