wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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