i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
