I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
