you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
