butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
