As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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