I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
