you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
