Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
