I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
