just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
