I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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