bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
