Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
