did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
birth control should be required to get into college
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We don't watch enough power rangers
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
