Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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