I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
